Monthly Archives: November 2016

Thinking But Won’t Say Out Loud

1. “Your family really scares me.” Either the constant contact, or the gruff father, or the crazy sister… there’s some aspect here that he will never name (you don’t mess with a girl’s family) but it scares the sh*t out of him.

2. “I’m not sure how good I am at that sex thing you seem to enjoy.” Whatever “that thing” may be, however much you’ve encouraged or praised it, he’s still not sure if he’s a pro at it and feels a little self-conscious each time. The female body is an elaborate and wondrous thing.

3. “I’m not 100% where I want to be professionally.” Who is, really? Even if he’s wildly successful he’ll still have ambition to continue to climb whatever ladder he’s on. The more a man says how amazing he’s doing professionally, the more insecure he usually is about it.

4. “I have a body complex as well.” He sucks in his gut every time he takes off his shirt and hopes you don’t notice.

5. “I have occasional doubts about us.” No one in a relationship is 100 percent sure all of the time. Mostly he’s head over heels for you, but once in a blue moon he does a double take while contemplating your future.

6. “Playing with my friend’s kid completely triggers my paternal instinct.” He doesn’t want to freak you out, and he’s not necessarily ready for kids—but damn is that baby cute.

7. “He’s scared to say ‘I love you’ first, too.” Unless you get him drunk. Then he might just blurt out “I love you,” on the third date. True story.

Are You Think Lie About on Your Dating Profile

Our guy expert, Lodro Rinzler, reached out to men across the country to ask what they were worried about when looking at your online dating profile. Here’s what guys think women might lie about online:

Your Looks

The number one thing the guys polled think a woman might lie about on her online dating profile is her looks. I am using “looks” as an umbrella term here that covers everything from your height to your weight to your body type to you using a photo of yourself from five years ago. Also, please note that a picture of just your face tells us that you either don’t have a nice body or you don’t like the body you have. Be confident enough to show your full form.

Your Age

“I’ve definitely gone out with women who say they’re 25 but are actually 29,” said Eddie. Sometimes a woman may change her age to initially attract a man, but it’s such a silly lie to chose; was Eddie’s date going to pretend to be four years younger for the rest of their relationship? Since so many men have had this experience, don’t be surprised if a guys casually glances at your drivers license when the bouncer asks for it at the door.

That You LOVE to Travel

Many women will put that they “LOVE to travel” even if they haven’t gone on any real trips or vacations in three years. I don’t recommend saying this on your profile because a) everyone says it so you don’t stand out from the crowd at all and b) even if you do love to travel, if you haven’t lately it might get real awkward real quick when he starts grilling you about all your recent vacations.

The Amount of Time You Spend at the Gym

One of the gentlemen I reached out to, Dave, told me, “I think women will exaggerate the amount or frequency of exercise they do.” A woman may want to show off how important it is to her that she takes good care of her body, but if you list that you go to the gym every single day a guy may think you’re exaggerating.

That Impressive Book/TV Show/Movie You Mentioned

One person I reached out to, Sam, said, “I think women will leave off interests that might be considered too girly or immature—any kind of guilty pleasure TV show or magazine, etc. and try to list more intellectual things like books they’ve read, even if said book was required in high school ten years ago.” If you love Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man, put it on the profile, but don’t be surprised if your date expects you to actually remember it in detail.

Your Level of Independence

Lots of pictures with you and the girls is nice, but when a woman keeps posting about being fiercely independent and not at all clingy on her dating profile a fella might raise an eyebrow and grow suspicious. It’s a bit like saying “don’t think of a pink elephant.” Why bring it up if you don’t want a guy’s mind to go straight there?

How Easy Going You Are

Similarly, when a woman says how she is a laid back, easy going, go-with-the-flow sort of person a man may begin to question if, in reality, she is actually very sensitive/easy to trigger. Best to leave those qualities out of your profile and show, don’t tell.

Your Interest in Sports

If a woman says how much she loves a sport, a man might be suspicious about whether she is just trying to appeal to how much he loves that sport. If a woman says she loves a specific team or calls out a particular player as her favorite, he tends to be less skeptical.

How Successful You Are

“I think some women want to project high aspirations even if they aren’t successful right now,” said Eric. Men are guilty of many of these ten things too, but perhaps I’d say men more often inflate their job title or position. We may be suspicious of how successful you say you are because we lied on our own profile about this one!

Telltale signs prove worthy of something more serious

He’s a nice guy. Somewhere deep down you may hope that the brooding bad boy is going to suddenly change — perhaps order you a refill when you head to the bathroom instead of talking up the bartender. But really, he’s just looking out for himself. A nice guy is just that: He cares about your feelings, is interested in spending time with you, and is courteous. All traits, that if this goes well, he’ll pass onto his son.

Being reliable isn’t just something he saves for his bros. When he says he’ll meet you at 7 p.m. he’s there on time. And, after your third date when you left your keys in the cab, he came over to sit with you outside your apartment until the locksmith came.

He doesn’t want to play games. He’s not looking to just get laid, he’s in this to find someone to date seriously. So, when you text him “I’m so tired today,” he responds within minutes (not a day later) with a “Me too. Dinner later?”

There’s never a shortage of something new to talk about. It’s only been four dates, but you already can’t wait to tell him about your day and listen to him recount his.

You feel like you could introduce him to your friends tomorrow and they’d get along seamlessly. You don’t have to worry if your friends will like him or make excuses for his behavior once they do.

He remembers the things you tell him. On your first date you told him your favorite movie was Ever After but you somehow lost your copy when you moved apartments. On date five he brings you a new one.

You feel comfortable around him. You don’t have pretend to be more or less of what you actually are. And while you’re still shocked that he didn’t make a run for it after seeing you in sweatpants, he actually seemed genuinely interested as you explained your sweatpants categorization: fancy, errands, sleep, cleaning, and sick.

Watch out for before you swipe right

In a recent study conducted at Cornell University and the University of Wisconsin-Madison it was discovered (no surprise here) that 80 percent of people using online dating sites lied about their height, weight, or age. Here are a few more things men tend to lie about when online.

His Job
Oh? You’re about to go out with a good-looking CEO of a booming start-up? Don’t be surprised if that means he has a great idea for an app and is working out of his parents’ garage. Most men have a tendency to inflate their titles or responsibilities in order to impress women. It’s not a great idea to ask about his salary, but a safe bet is to ask about his title and how large a company he works for. CEO is very impressive, but not if the company is him and his dog.

His Intention
Just because a man is on a dating site does not mean he’s looking for a long-term relationship. In fact, if you’re on Tinder, you should assume that the guy is trying to get laid and be pleasantly surprised when it turns out he wants to date you. Aside from certain apps like Heavenly Sinful, where you’re explicitly asked to say whether you want to hook up or date, the guy’s intention is often unknown.

His Height
On average, guys will say they are two inches taller than they actually are, and will assume you’re not going to bring a tape measure to the first date. If you’re curious, you can wait until his wallet’s open while paying for (at least his share) of the bill and say, “Oh! Let me see the photo on your driver’s license. Mine is horrible.” There, as clear as day, is his height (no one cares enough to lie to the DMV).

His Weight
Men (well, everyone) will post photos of themselves from when they are looking their physical best. So if you show up on date number one and the guy is looking twenty pounds overweight, don’t be shocked. If you’re lucky it may go the other way; he may have just recovered from breaking up with his long-term girlfriend and lost the gut men tend to accrue when they no longer feel they need to impress their partner. Now that he’s single he wants to look great. But the pessimist in me leans toward warning you that he may be a bit heavier than you imagined.

His Worldliness
He may say he loves to travel but that doesn’t guarantee he’s ever left the United States. He may say he knows a lot about wine but that might just mean he knows that he likes Pinot Noir. Don’t assume anything based on the guy’s stated hobbies or interests; just like his job description it is likely inflated and made to sound more sophisticated than it actually is.

His Relationship Status
I hate to say it, but even if a guy makes himself available on a dating site it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s there to seriously date. Single can mean anything from “haven’t had a girlfriend in five years and looking for sex” to “newly divorced and sad.” There are men who are going through a break-up (but it’s not quite over with their gf) or are in an open relationship and they are on these sites because it seems innocent enough, but they are not emotionally available to be with you.