Monthly Archives: December 2016

The Playlist for the Girl on Top

Hate to break it to you, Christian Grey—but we firmly believe that the hottest sex is when a woman’s calling the shots. And we want a soundtrack that sets the mood for exactly that. (Right, ladies?)

Enter this fierce line-up of ladies in the driver’s seat—including Rihanna, Ciara, Gwen Stefani, FKA Twigs, and the legendary Nina Simone—who know what they want (and how they want it).

In order to keep things hot this evening, dim the lights and drop the needle on this 40-track playlist, which has been designed exclusively for *your* listening pleasure.

1. “Do Not Disturb” – Teyana Taylor feat. Chris Brown

2. “Keep On” – Kehlani

3. “So High” – Doja Cat

4. “Collide” – Justine Skye feat. Tyga

5. “Go All Night (Let Me Roll)” -Kelela

6. “Meet Me in the Middle” – Jessie Ware

7. “Body Say” – Demi Lovato

8. “Adore” – Cashmere Cat feat. Ariana Grande

9. “Undiscovered” – Laura Welsh

10. “Treat Me Like I’m Fire” – Lion Babe

11. “Wax” – Kilo Kish

12. “Come to Me” – Bjork

13. “Go Slow” – Tei Shi

14. “Bank Head (Prod. Kingdom)” – Kelela

15. “My Boy My Town” – Mabel

16. “Pleasure This Pain” – Kwamie Liv feat. Angel Haze

17. “Hotter than Hell” – Dua Lipa

18. “Tell Me” – PJ feat. Jevon Doe

19. “Lovesick” – Banks

20. “Cool” – Daya

21. “True Disaster” – Tove Lo

22. “Let Me In” – El Perro del Mar

23. “Sacrifices” – Tinashe

24. “I Put a Spell on You” – Nina Simone

25. “Make You Feel” – Alina Baraz feat. Galimatias

26. “Criminal” – Fiona Apple

27. “Good for You” – Selena Gomez feat. A$AP Rocky

28. “All the Way Down” – Kelela

29. “Kiss it Better” – Rihanna

30. “Childs Play” – SZA feat. Chance the Rapper

31. “Body Party” – Ciara

32. “Oh Yeah” – Bat For Lashes

33. “Two Weeks” – FKA Twigs

Online Dating Profile

From bad spelling to sketchy pictures on online dating profiles, lots of things will cause us to raise an eyebrow and proceed with caution—but there are a few red flags that have us scrambling to click the little X. We asked members of Marie Claire Ask & Answer — Marie Claire‘s online Q&A community for relationship, sex, and dating advice — for the online dating profile mistakes that have them running in the other direction. Here’s what they said:

RED FLAG: Appearing sex-crazed.

“When guys emphasize they are looking for a woman that enjoys “intimacy,” they mean, but don’t have the honesty to say, sex,” warns 1loohoo. Wanting sex isn’t anything new—so don’t panic that you’ll never get laid if you don’t pepper your profile full of sexual innuendo. Suggestive jokes can be funny and endearing once someone gets to know your personality a little, even on a first date…but before you’ve even had an email exchange, it just comes off as a little desperate and creepy.

RED FLAG: Cliché statements.

Clichés like “… likes long walks on the beach, going to movies, etc.” are red flags, says two469. Who doesn’t like going to movies? There are tons of regular, nice-enough people out there—but that’s not enough to get you a date. You don’t need to fly planes or travel to fascinating places in your spare time to stand out—just get specific. Instead of saying you like to read, talk about your favorite genre. Instead of just saying you like action movies, also ‘fess up to your guilty-pleasure TV show. Whether or not your date shares your hobbies, you’ll appear interesting. 7zebras agrees, saying “I absolutely hate when a girl says they are up for anything. That means that they are incredibly boring and are not passionate or into anything. They are willing to try stuff but only when someone else leads them too it…Boring!”

RED FLAG: Claims of being young at heart.

two469 says statements like “… have the heart and spirit of a seventeen year old.” send her running. Why? It screams “Peter Pan complex.” Let your silly side and sense of humor show in your profile without making direct statements about your mental age—it’s a tip-off that you don’t have your life together and will be a disaster to date.

RED FLAG: Non-solo photos.

“Photos with someone else who’s WAY more attractive standing alongside” are a dealbreaker for chesterdad. Would you send a potential employer your more-qualified friend’s resume along with yours? No. Don’t do the equivalent on a dating site. You’re advertising yourself, not your hot friend.

Easy Rules Daters

The weekend. Sigh. I worked on my novel for most of it. Last Monday, my agent told me she thought I should revise the manuscript a leeetle bit more before she sends it out to editors (who are the one with the power to “buy” the book, which would lead to it getting published, which would lead to a bestseller–if you guys are behind me!). So the majority of my time was spent chained to my keyboard.

I did take a break for a tea date with a guy who contacted me via the Internet personals. Between his adorable pictures–including one of him in a cap and sweater vest on his family’s farm that made him look like he just stepped out of “Quintessentially Irish” catalogue–and his love for books, not to mention his good job, he seemed a little too good to be true. I braced myself for some kind of disappointment–for him to have about 75% less hair in real life, or 75 more pounds, or to conveniently have only 75 cents on him so he could stick me with the check.

But when I walked into Cafe Regular and saw him standing there, smiling at me with his startling bright gray eyes, and saying “Maura?” I had to take a moment to steady myself: He was the real deal! We spent a couple of pleasant hours chatting, and at the end of it, he asked if I’d like to go to dinner with him that very evening. Since I wanted to stick to my work schedule, I declined, but he followed up with a sweet text saying we should do it some other time soon.

(All of which is A LOT more than I can say for some people.)

# # #

The one other social thing I did this weekend: I met up with Dating Coach Extraordinaire John Keegan, who was recently profiled in the New York Times. I loved the little piece about him, in which he talked about how the most successful flirts are the most playful, innocent ones. He’d also mentioned how he made a pact with himself, a few years ago, to talk to five new women a day for three weeks straight–and to ask every single one for her phone number. Living flirtatiously, indeed! (Do I need to ramp it up, or what?) Between the cute things he said and the appealingly approachable way he came across in the pictures–with a sheepish smile and a slouchy aw-shucks carriage, wearing flat Chuck-Taylor-like sneakers, skinny jeans, and an adorable plaid cap*–I though: There’s really something very charming about him. Besides, I really liked the idea of flirting as playfulness. So I wrote and asked if he’d be willing to collaborate with me in some way for the site.

So it was that on Friday afternoon, John and I spent some QT at the Whole Foods Cafe @ Union Square. He lay down a few basic pieces of dating advice that he thinks are important for any single person to keep in mind during the early stages of a dating situation:

-Don’t act like a needy person. In fact, until you’re in a solid relationship, try to hide any neediness almost entirely. (I mean, if you need to take a leak; or to eat a peanut-butter-and-jelly-sandwich you have in your handbag for fits of low blood sugar; or to have a glass of water … by all means. But don’t act like there’s anything you need from the other person.)

What men really think about it

If the phrase “familiarity breeds contempt” rings true, going through all the same motions in the bedroom, time and time again, doesn’t exactly help in the love department. Relationship experts recommend keeping things spontaneous (whether that means trying a different time, place, or generally being more adventurous in bed) to avoid falling into a cycle of boring “duty” sex, but also to foster healthy habits in a long-term relationship.

Below, we asked six real women for their favorite sex moves, then consulted sex experts for their tips on how to upgrade your own go-to moves so they feel new and exciting. In short, it doesn’t take a Kama Sutra master to have better sex, it’s really about breaking from habit, exploring the unknown, and enhancing what already works.

FAVORITE POSITION: I’m straddling him, reverse-cowgirl style, while he’s propped up on his back in the bathtub and I’m bracing myself against the sides or the wall.

WHAT MAKES IT SO HOT: I love it because I get to take charge and control the angle, and the warm water helps us relax. It’s also a nice change of pace from the routine, so usually we’ll try it when we’re on vacation (since no one actually wants to clean their bathtub at home). The ambience is really sexy since everything’s candlelit and the water and soap naturally get everything going down there.

FUN PROP: Candles, bubbles, and bath oil. Just make sure you don’t slip around too much when you’re moving around (and prepare to get your knees a little bruised if you’re trying it in a smaller space)!