Monthly Archives: March 2017

Guide to Dirty Talk

You’ve mastered the bedroom eyes and sexy lingerie, but what about the pillow talk? To ease you into the sexy banter, we chatted with Dana Myers, founder of Booty Parlor, about tips and tricks for talking dirty. The beauty expert (and sex goddess) had suggestions for beginners and shy girls alike, and assures us that even she still has to practice occasionally.

Marie Claire: To start off, how would you define dirty talk? The phrase feels so intimidating!

Dana Myers: It does feel scary. People will often clam up and think, “I can’t do that!,” but it’s really just another way to express yourself in the bedroom. Women can use lingerie or toys or just their voice, and best of all, it’ll be totally unique to you. Women can be soft and sleek and still a little naughty, or racy and raunchy and way out there, and anywhere in the middle! It’s really just another way to heighten foreplay, add adventure, and actually get what you want in bed.

A lot of women are afraid to ask for what they want, and it’s important to translate what feels good and what’s going to bring you satisfaction into words. Doing that in a fun, sexy, and frisky way is dirty talk! Be confident, and discover a little bit of your inner bad girl.

DM: It’s a combination of the words you’re saying, how you say it, and the mood you’ve set. Use your voice the way you’re moving your body. Talk softly, look at each other or close your eyes if you feel more comfortable. You don’t want to be laughing hysterically while you describe what you’re about to do to your lover, but it’s okay to be silly and giggle a little if that’s how you feel.

You don’t need to jump in with anything extreme. Something that can read as innocent as I love the way your tongue feels on my skin obviously means a whole lot more. If that’s still too much, just whisper into your lover’s ears. The heat of your breath and a few sultry words is incredibly scintillating.

MC: When’s the best time for dirty talk? Before you get into the bedroom or when things are already hot and heavy?

DM: Well, once you’re really comfortable with it you’ll find yourself using it at dinner, I swear! You’ll be out hiking, and you’ll say something sexy and give him a slap on the bottom. When you use it as foreplay completely out of the bedroom, it’s fun and saucy and gets mental stimulation going on during the day. It’s important for women to think about sex outside the bedroom so by the time you get in there, you’re warmed up a bit.

For a lot of women, the point of talking dirty is to get more of what they want. Some people are totally satisfied and just incorporating it as a fun thing, which is great, but you can use it to ask for what you need or to make sure he stays put and keeps doing what he’s doing.

Stories That Will Make You Cringe Forever

More often than not, sex toys do what they’re supposed to do: give you an orgasm. But sometimes fate (and uncontrollable bodily functions) has other plans.

Here, seventeen people get *real* with some serious cautionary tales about sex toys, but also a reminder that you’ll laugh about it later. Eventually.

1. “The guy I was dating bought us a vibrating ring to put on his penis. He has a pretty thick shaft. After amazing sex, he went to take it off and it was stuck. It would not come off him! So we tried using lotion and it still wouldn’t move and his penis was starting to turn purple-ish from losing circulation. Luckily, he trusted me with scissors to cut it off. Let’s just say he won’t be using that again.”

2. “My husband and I got a couple’s bag from a local sex shop and it came with one of those vibrating egg things that you control with a remote. We had used it a couple times, but it was pretty cheap. We were messing around with it and I kept feeling this pinch that wouldn’t quit. Then all of the sudden an awful jolt went through me because apparently one of the wires was frayed and exposed, literally shocking me in the vagina.” — Kendra, 22

3. “Me and ex-boyfriend were using a butt plug while cat and house sitting. During doggie style he had ‘poor aim’ and pushed the butt plug up inside me (the base was small, as it was an intro plug). I essentially had to go to the toilet and poo it out. Luckily, me and my ex were super chill and were laughing about it while I sat on the toilet.” — Sophie, 18

4. “My boyfriend and I had always been fairly vanilla with our sex, save for a few nights where we’ve role played. About a year ago, I decided to buy some toys—vibrating cock ring and butt plug—to have some fun with. I’ve never been a fan of butt stuff but my boyfriend loves it, so I’m always down to go along. We did our thing, played with the toys, and when it was time to clean up, I pulled the butt plug out and I pooped. Everywhere.

Ways to Be a Better Kisser

As cliché as it sounds, a kiss can feel like a Michael Bay-level explosion, or it can make you feel absolutely nothing at all. And if a common goal of the kiss is helping determine your attaction to someone, lip-locking can also establish a budding relationship: it’s the great divide between friend and lover.

After all, a kiss can be just as intimate as sex, and just as important. (I, for one, remember certain smooches more than most of my sexual encounters.) But there’s more nuance to a simple kiss than just an equation of lips and tongues, and there are easy ways to set the pace even if you’re not the most experienced kisser. Below, 10 tips on how to make the most out of a make-out session (sorry, I had to) like you’re a seasoned pro.

1. Freshen Up

It’s common sense, but too many people are guilty of going without correcting bad breath. Practice self-awareness and make sure you keep your teeth clean and your breath fresh. It doesn’t matter how good a kisser you are, since a fresh whiff of garlic can really kill the mood, especially if you’re just getting to know each other.

2. Build the Moment

Whether it’s the end of a first date, or after a few weeks of dating, the anticipation you build creates tension which can only be broken by…a kiss (just kidding, but really). It’s just like any moment of conflict in any good developing story! Just make sure you don’t wait so long that the other person questions whether you’re interested in them.

3. Work Your Eyes

When you’re leaning in for a kiss, you can’t use your mouth to speak, so why not say something with eye contact? When you’re actually mid-kiss, though, dial it back a bit since it can be a little creepy when one of you has your eyes open, and it can be distracting. Just as a blind person’s other four senses are enhanced, temporary blindness during a kiss can intensify the way it feels—the sound of another person’s breathing or the gentle touch of their hand.

4. Kiss People You Like

We’re all guilty of kissing people we could care less about: maybe on the dance floor, or during a moment of weakness late night in the bar. If you only kiss people you really want to kiss, those kisses will feel a lot better and you’ll naturally be more invested in them. Kissing too many people might lead to numbness. But on the other hand, there’s always the manta “practice makes perfect.”

5. Take Your Time

Kissing is a team effort. Don’t squelch someone’s spirit by going on the offensive (AKA getting too heavy-handed with tongue) or trying too hard to control the situation. Feel out each other’s tendencies and kissing styles, and go from there.

6. Mind Your Tongue

Tongue use can be great, or horrible. Remember, it’s a kiss, not a facial wash. No one likes to be attacked by a tongue, or have their entire mouth filled by someone’s tongue. But a tongue used well can make a kiss magical.

How to Pull Off About It

Believed to date back 5,000 years, Tantric sex is an ancient Eastern spiritual practice. Like yoga or Zen, its purpose is enlightenment—and the philosophy transcends the bedroom into all aspects of life. In the Tantric view, sex and orgasm = spiritual awareness at its peak. And when Shiva (male energy) and Shakti (female energy) join in one sexual union, it’s believed to be the highest point of enlightenment.

The best part is that all of us hold the key to Tantric sex: breath. If you can keep your body relaxed and your mind clear of the mundane, your “inner goddess” can be fully present. Using your breath can spread orgasmic energy from your genitals through your entire body. This all-over tingling, in turn, leads to a deeper, more intimate connection with your partner.

And despite all the talk of a too-good-for-words orgasm, the big “O” is not the goal of Tantra. Instead, it’s more about being in the moment and riding a wave of sensation and arousal (yours and your partner’s). If you focus on getting to one big bang at the end, you may miss out on tons of other “orgasmic joys” happening in your bodies along the way. Tantric instructors promise that in addition to fuller orgasms, women experience them more quickly since they learn to become more relaxed and sensitized. Dawn Cartwright, a SkyDancing Tantra instructor in Los Angeles, advises that beginners to tantra follow the below tips and tricks to fully commit to the tantra experience.

1. Create a sacred space.

Transform your bedroom. Awaken your senses with flowers, aromatherapy oils, scented candles, fresh fruits, and chocolates. Include sensual fabrics like silk for added sensory elements—whether it’s your sheets or your lingerie.

2. Shake your body alive.

Put on your favorite music and stand with your legs hip-width apart, relaxing your body and breathing through your mouth so that your breath travels down to your belly button. Shake your whole body—your legs, head, and butt— for one minute. Lie down, and invite your partner to come into the bedroom. “You’ve opened up all these places where there’s tension and increased the sensitivity, allowing pleasure in,” says Cartwright. “If you make love after doing that, it’s more likely that you’ll have a whole-body orgasm.”

3. Breathe and rock.

Sit on the bed or floor, facing your partner (you’re on his lap). Start by closing your eyes, and use your imagination to watch your breath move in and out of your body. Start to allow your breath to go three inches below your belly button. Begin rocking like you’re in a rocking chair, moving your chest forward as you inhale, and rocking back as you exhale.

Then, as you inhale and rock forward, tighten your PC muscles; relax them as you exhale and rock back. “You may start to feel sexual sensations,” says Cartwright. Stare into each other’s eyes (“soul gazing”) and breathe, rock, and pulsate together. “The amazing connection that you’ll feel will blow your mind,” says Cartwright. “Your energy fields get together, so you’re both in the same state and are much more sensitive to each other. It’s very electric.”

4. Share a Tantric kiss.

Continue to sit on his lap and rock together—you inhaling while he’s exhaling and vice versa. As he breathes out, you’ll discover yourself breathing his breath into your body and down to your sex organs. As you exhale, be conscious that you’re sharing all of yourself with your partner. Then kiss and share the breath. “Intercourse is not even necessary because you’re so merged,” says Cartwright. “Tantra is about diving deeply into desire and pleasure. If you feel good and ecstatic, then you’re on the right track.”