Great Tips for That Even

It’s easy enough to follow tutorials on must-try sex positions or study up on technique with the help of videos, but what about the stuff that actually makes for a healthier sex life and a better orgasm? Below, instead of simply asking experts for sex tips, we pressed them to reveal what actually works for them in bed (personal examples strongly encouraged). Because if firsthand advice from sexologists won’t get you anywhere, what can?

1. Pucker Up

“This is so simple, but so necessary…and it’s maintaining the habit of kissing my husband before he leaves the house every morning. Research has shown that this (and a kiss before bedtime) is beneficial to any relationship, and it’s a great way to stay affectionate and connected even when time doesn’t allow more. Sexually speaking, it keeps intimacy on our radar, which helps us be more responsive other actions in the bed.” –sexologist Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D.

2. Hit the Toy Store

“I’ve found one of the best ways to enhance my sex life is to introduce new products. It not only mixes things up—which we all know is key to having an expansive, fulfilling sex life—but partners get just as excited to try something new, whether it’s a new lubricant (not just for dryness or discomfort!) or the way the vibrations feel on their bodies.” –sexologist Emily Morse, host of Sex with Emily

3. Give Yourself a Hand

“Don’t forget to masturbate even if you have a partner. Enjoy solo sex often—it’s good for health and mood, and besides, it just feels so nice.”

4. Tidy Up

“Create an environment that is stress-free and reduces as many external distractions as possible. I clean, turn off the TV, silence my phone, turn off the computer, and even turn the clock away so I can’t see the time. This helps to release feel-good endorphins like dopamine, which motivates our pleasure and reward center in our brain.” —Ava Cadell, Ph.D., author of NeuroLoveology, the Power to Mindful Love and Sex

5. Don’t Focus on Your Orgasm

“It’s not always about the orgasm. There is immense pressure to be a rock-star-sex-goddess in the bedroom 24/7 as a sexologist. My partner and I will kick it old school and make out, cuddle, or give each other a nice sensual massage. There is something inherently intimate about touching your partner in all of these different ways. Try exploring their body for your pleasure. Not that sex doesn’t evoke similar feelings, but it’s a different kind of feeling. Of course, the aforementioned activities can totally be followed by orgasm-filled sex, but just those activities can leave me satisfied. It’s always reassuring that you can still feel good about the sex you have and relish in the pleasure, orgasm or not.”